 |
MELVIN DURAI'S AMUZING LIFE
If you've never been on the Internet, the information
highway that links computers and allows Americans
to date people in China, you have reason to be
ashamed.
A gorilla has beaten you to it.
Yes, a real, live, hairy gorilla that walks on four limbs
and has never been to kindergarten, let alone high
school, has managed to send messages over the
Internet, messages that are surprisingly clear to at
least a few sober people.
So if you're still intimidated by the Internet, ask
yourself this simple, yet important question: Am I as
smart as a gorilla?
If the answer is yes, then you should definitely
experiment with the Internet, where you'll find all kinds
of information on subjects as seemingly unrelated as
aliens taking over the country and Ross Perot running
for president.
If the answer is no, you probably want to stick with
television. But stay away from the remote control,
which requires at least the intelligence of a
chimpanzee.
The gorilla that recently chatted with thousands of
people over the Internet is indeed quite smart. Her
name is Koko, which in gorilla language means
"Bill Gates."
In fact, Koko is one of the richest gorillas on the planet,
having lived in America for 25 years, unlike many of her
relatives, who live in remote parts of Africa where
people have never even heard of Monica Lewinsky.
Here's the daily routine of the typical gorilla:
So as you can see, a gorilla's daily routine is not too
different from O.J. Simpson's. Except that gorillas
generally do not play golf.
They are usually quiet, friendly animals and make
only about 25 distinct sounds. But they are really good
at hooting and would get along with most construction
workers.
Koko has special communication skills. She has
learned over 1,000 words of American sign language
and is more adept at using her fingers than a New
York City cab driver.
Dr. Francine "Penny" Patterson, one of the scientists
who trained Koko, used the sign language to allow the
gorilla to chat with America Online (AOL) users.
Here are a few actual exchanges from the first
interspecies chat on the Internet:
AOL: Is Koko aware that she's chatting with thousands
of people now?
KOKO: Good hear.
PENNY: Koko is aware.
AOL: I'll start taking questions from the audience now.
Our first question is:
KOKO: Pink.
PENNY: Koko was commenting on the color of my shirt...
AOL: Do you like to chat with other people?
KOKO: Fine nipple.
PENNY: Nipple rhymes with people. She doesn't sign
people per se. She was trying to do a "sounds like."
RADIO EXECUTIVE (to himself): Fine nipple? Hey, this
gorilla could be as smart as Howard Stern.
Messages to Koko can be sent to Koko@gorilla.org.
You may want to ask her about the Clinton scandal,
India's nuclear testing or her Internet romance with a
guy in Wisconsin who's about to leave his wife for a
rather hairy female.
All Rights Reserved
|