MELVIN DURAI'S AMUZING LIFE
"SPORTS TEAM SHOULD DROP ITS NICKNAME"

     Native Americans are continuing their longtime protest against the nickname attached to the Washington, D.C., pro football team: Redskins.

     They consider it offensive -- like other racial slurs -- and have asked a federal panel to revoke its trademark protection. After all, if you could put a trademark on racial slurs, the Ku Klux Klan would be wealthy. And they'd be able to afford decent costumes.

     Redskin is "the equivalent of the worst slur you could call someone," one Native American told the Associated Press.

     And as if that isn't insulting enough, the Redskins are always getting killed by the Cowboys.

     But the high and mighty Washington Redskins apparently know better than the Indians if the nickname is offensive, having lived with it for years and years, since the very beginning of football.

     Several other sports teams have dropped offensive nicknames, but the Redskins haven't budged, showing a tenacity they somehow forget to bring to the football field.

     You'd think they'd be willing to drop at least part of their nickname to appease the Indians. They could be the Skins, the Kins or even the Sins.

     Or they could opt for a similar-sounding, but more appropriate name: Deadskins, Misledskins or Pinheadskins.

     The team's attorney insists the current nickname isn't a slur. He says the term "Redskin" is interchangeable with "Indian."

     Yes, just as the term "greedy" is interchangeable with "attorney."

     As long as the money keeps rolling in, the attorney probably wouldn't care what name the team goes by, even if it offends the Pope.

     The players certainly don't mind being called Redskins. Just don't call them dumb, overpaid jocks. Because they're definitely not dumb.

     Here are some other suitable names for the team in our nation's capital:

     --The Washington Holes: This would reflect the wide holes in the Washington roads, as well as the wider holes in the football team's defense.

     --The Washington Dealers: There's a lot of deal-making in Washington, as you'd expect when you have diplomats eager to buy arms, lobbyists eager to buy political favors, and a mayor eager to buy drugs.

     --The Washington Scandals: All sorts of scandals originate in Washington, and believe it or not, some of them do not involve the president.

     --The Washington Adulterers: This would be a tribute to Bill Clinton and John F. Kennedy, two presidents willing to sleep with anyone in a skirt except Prince Charles.

     --The Washington Crooks: This nickname would refer to ordinary criminals, not those in Congress. Washington's crime rate is so high that bank robbers often have to take a number. And guns are so common, you can buy them at yard sales.

     --The Washington Bigots: This nickname would reflect the team owner's narrow-minded attitude toward the concerns of Native Americans.

     Let's see him get a trademark on that!