MELVIN DURAI'S AMUZING LIFE
WE ALL HAVE ABILITIES AND DISABILITIES

     I recently visited a company that employs disabled people and was surprised to see how hard they worked. I felt like shouting at them: "Hey folks, take it easy. You're supposed to be disabled!"

     We can't have disabled people working so hard. They are making a lot of so-called able-bodied people look like absolute bums.

     Some of these people do nothing all day except push the buttons of their remote controls, microwaves and spouses. Some believe they have the right to park in handicapped spots, because they suffer from an increasingly common disorder: an allergy to walking. They also exhibit another major disorder: an inability to be considerate.

     Disabled workers have proven that they can contribute to society, given the chance. That's all they want: a chance. But many companies seem to believe that disabled people should just stay home and watch "Jerry Springer." Jerry's guests would quickly make them realize that their lives could be a lot worse.

     It's easy for us to overlook the abilities of disabled people, just as it's easy to assume that able-bodied people have no disabilities. Fact is, we all have disabilities, some more prominent than others. Take mine, for example:

     ---I can't draw. If I could, I'd be an editorial cartoonist, having a good time drawing funny pictures of the president. I'd even draw funny pictures of the First Lady and the First Mistress. But unfortunately the best portraits I have ever drawn are stick figures. I'd be the world's greatest artist if everyone looked like a supermodel. Leonardo's Mona Lisa would be amateur art compared to Melvin's Kate Moss.

     ---I can't sing. If I ever sang the national anthem in public, people wouldn't clap. They'd slap. Truth is, I can't even rap. I don't know enough four-letter words. My voice is as terrible as Roseanne's, except I have the good sense not to sing in public. I save my voice for solo performances in the bathroom. It's often the best way to unclog the drain.

     ---I can't play music. Believe me, I've tried. I once took guitar lessons, but had to quit because the teacher ran out of ear plugs. Not to mention patience. The only way I could be part of a band is if I let the drummer bang on my head. But I don't care for head-banging music.

     ---I can't fix anything. Not even dinner. When my car breaks down, I don't know why I bother looking under the hood. I wouldn't notice if the entire radiator had fallen out. A mechanic could easily take advantage of me: "Your car was in bad shape, sir. We had to replace all four tires, because they were leaking too much freon. Your engine's belts were fine, but we had to replace its air bag. And we added a quart of oil to your air filter."

     As you can see, I'm artistically, vocally, musically and mechanically challenged. But it could be worse. Like the president, I could be fidelity challenged. That's one of the country's worst disabilities.

     All of us are just one accident away from a serious disability. That's another reason to be more considerate to the people we label as disabled.

     Give them a chance to work. Give them a chance to prove themselves. Give them a chance to make more of us look like bums.