MELVIN DURAI'S AMUZING LIFE
THE INTERNET COULD HURT YOUR SOCIAL LIFE

     Computers have changed people's lives dramatically. Some folks spend half their days on the Internet, proving that they're not only smart enough to know their way around the information highway, they're also quite lonely.

     So lonely that the biggest thrill of their lives is when they hear those three special words: "You've got mail."

     Some of them need to hear four special words: "You've got no life."

     There's no doubt the Internet is a great resource and enables people to view all kinds of information, most of which can't be found in public libraries, because libraries have standards.

     But the Internet is reducing the amount of face-to-face contact between people, keeping them from forming deep relationships. Instead of spending quality time with people in their neighborhood, some Internet users are chatting with people in Tokyo. And they're not even getting good financial advice.

     A new study found that the more time people spend online, the more depressed and lonely they feel. And to make matters worse, their expensive, high-tech computers can't be programmed to hug them.

     A computer can't even act concerned. Though if someone cries on its keyboard, the computer may also break down.

     The study surprised its authors, led by Robert Kraut, a social psychology professor at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh.

     "We were expecting exactly the opposite," Kraut told the Associated Press.

     Before his research, he believed the Internet promoted social contact, through e-mail and chat rooms. And perhaps he also believed in Hillary Clinton's vast right-wing conspiracy.

     But now he knows better: Internet users, he said, "are substituting weaker social ties for stronger ones. They're substituting conversations on narrower topics with strangers for conversations with people who are connected to their life."

     In other words, they're discussing cat food with someone on the Internet, instead of getting frisky with their spouses.

     To perform their study, Kraut and his colleagues followed 93 Pittsburgh-area families for two years, according to the AP. Their biggest achievement, apparently, was not being charged with stalking.

     The researchers gave the families free computers, phone lines and Internet use. I know what you're thinking: Why can't I be that lucky? Why can't I be on scientific welfare?

     I really don't understand this: These families received free computers and some of them still ended up being depressed.

     The families agreed to fill out occasional true-false questionnaires, which included statements like "I can't find companionship when I want it," "I felt I could not shake off the blues," and "I once tried to kiss my computer."

     The researchers found they could predict changes in a person's emotional state according to the amount of time spent on the Internet.

     Heavy Internet users had fewer close friends and complained about minor things, such as weather, bills and nosy researchers.

     It's easy to be irritable when you're in Pittsburgh and your only friends are in Tokyo.