MELVIN DURAI'S AMUZING LIFE
A COMPLIMENT CAN GO A LONG WAY

     Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa are on top of the world, hitting scads of home runs and restoring baseball as America's favorite pastime, aside from watching the president squirm.

     The sluggers deserve all the adulation heaped on them, for they have shown a lot of class, the type of class we need in the White House.

     McGwire is such a great guy that, believe it or not, he even found something nice to say about his ex-wife. And she smiled so brightly, as though he had just tripled the alimony.

     A compliment certainly goes a long way. And it costs absolutely nothing. All you do is open your mouth and say something positive like "Nice smile," "Nice eyes," or "Nice nose job."

     Unfortunately, many of us don't take the time to appreciate the people around us, the people who enrich our lives. We're too busy complaining about their faults.

     Wife: "Will you ever remember to lower the toilet seat or do I need to glue it down?"

     Husband: "Go ahead and glue it down, if annoying me is your aim, but you'll soon be complaining about my aim."

     The world would be a better place if everyone gave at least one compliment every day. That would produce billions of smiles every year and may even prevent a few wars.

     Bill Clinton: "Saddam, you're messing with the most powerful nation in the world. If you don't stop making biological weapons, you'll leave us with no choice but to drop O.J. Simpson on you."

     Saddam Hussein (through an interpreter): "Bill, good to hear from you. I just finished reading the Starr Report and have made it required reading in our Department of Foreign Affairs. You have certainly enjoyed the mother of all affairs. And everybody in the world gets to hear the salacious details! Isn't democracy a wonderful thing? Your presidency will definitely be remembered. To show you how impressed I am, I'm going to immediately send you a box of cigars."

     Clinton, smiling: "Thanks, Saddam. And what can I do for you? Can I send you a few terrorists? We've got a few in our prisons who are doing nothing and one is really good at mailing bombs. I'm sure he'd be an asset to your incomparable Department of Bombings and Hijackings."

     It's easy to compliment people once you start focusing on their good qualities. Everybody has good qualities, even people who've made huge mistakes:

     Clinton, through all his affairs, has proven that he's really good at keeping his wife from killing him. The Secret Service must be working overtime. Forget about Clinton's testimony to the grand jury -- I want to hear his testimony to Hillary.

     Mike Tyson, the heavyweight boxer, may have a nasty bite, but he also has a way with words. His vocabulary is so extensive, some of his words aren't even in the dictionary. Only a fool would challenge him to a game of Scrabble.

     Fool: "Mike, there's no such word as sorejaw."

     Mike: "Yes, there is, indisputiously. A sorejaw is what I'm about to give to you."

     Of course, your compliments must always be sincere. But you probably already knew that. Especially since you're one of the most intelligent people in the world.