MELVIN DURAI'S AMUZING LIFE
PEOPLE EAT ALL KINDS OF STRANGE FOOD

     Some years ago, when I was in college, one of my classes discussed ways to solve world hunger. We were deeply concerned about all those poor children who were forced to hug Sally Struthers.

     A rather astute student offered his solution for India: "I don't understand why some people in India are hungry," he said. "Why can't they just eat all their cows?"

     I could picture millions of Indians kissing his feet and saying, "Thank you so much, great guru. We never thought of that. Because of lack of food, our minds were not working properly. Now, instead of searching for rice, we can eat lots of steaks. We'll never be hungry again. And we'll soon know what it's like to be fat."

     As a native of India, I had to inform my classmate that the vast majority of Indians, for religious and other reasons, do not consider their cows as potential meals. "It would be similar to asking Americans to eat all their dogs," I said.

     My brilliant classmate immediately devised another solution, one that could boost America's economy: "We'll send Indians our dogs if they send us their cows."

     The idea seemed ridiculous, especially since Indians, as far as I know, do not have a taste for dogs. Most don't even care for hot dogs. No matter what animal parts they're made of.

     But perhaps more countries should think of exporting unusual "food" to other countries. A creature that's a pest in Africa or a pet in America, could end up in a pie in Europe. (Anyone for chocolate lizard pie?)

     I for one would be extremely grateful if someone in the United States could find a way to export all our cockroaches. I'm sure they're a delicacy somewhere. In some faraway island, people are salivating at the thought of roach soup, spaghetti with roach sauce, and roach a la mode.

     Wherever you live in the world -- Burma, Botswana, Beverly Hills -- you probably eat something that would make people in other countries think you need some counseling. And lots of it.

     In America, many people love to eat lobsters, which to me look like the world's biggest insects. Grocery stores keep these "insects" in aquariums, so people can get to know them before they boil them alive.

     Eating insects is a tradition in many cultures, as described in a new book called "Man Eating Bugs: The Art and Science of Eating Insects" (Material World Books).

     This book is indeed a bargain. For less than $25 -- the cost of a few artery-clogging steaks -- you can learn how to survive on termites. You'll never need to go grocery shopping again.

     In fact, you can turn your home into a farm, raising all kinds of delicious critters: spiders, moths, flies, crickets. Even if you can't eat them, they'd make a great gift basket at Christmas. Not to mention Halloween.

     The authors of the book traveled around the world to eat a number of tasty dishes, including pasta with mealworms in Mexico, deep-fried skewered tarantulas in Cambodia, barbecued sago palm grubs in Indonesia and stir-fried silkworm pupae in China. Makes me want to run out and buy a plane ticket.

     Think about that the next time you complain about your food. Whatever you're eating, it's probably a lot more appetizing than someone else's food.

     Especially if it doesn't crawl away.