MELVIN DURAI'S AMUZING LIFE
"WE NEED TO APPRECIATE REAL HEROES"

     Following his recent death, Joltin' Joe DiMaggio, the great baseball player, was portrayed by the media and others as a true American hero.

     Some people took exception to this, wondering what's so heroic about hitting a baseball, running the bases, and celebrating like you just won a date with Marilyn Monroe.

     Of course, they forgot that playing baseball involves a lot more than that. Baseball players, especially those today, face a number of challenges and hardships. For example:

     ---They have to constantly worry, even while they're playing and sleeping, where they're going to store all their luxury cars. It's easy to run out of garage space after the tenth Mercedes.

     ---They often have to go through entire innings, even on hot, summer days, without scratching themselves. And some of them go through entire games without spitting.

     ---Almost every day, regardless of how big they are, they're expected to squeeze into pants that are way too tight.

     ---Hordes of strangers pester them for autographs, and many of these people have the audacity to forget to bring cash.

     ---So many women flirt with them, they often have trouble deciding whom to take home.

     I can't say whether Joltin' Joe deserved his hero status. I know so little about his life outside baseball, except that he convinced Marilyn Monroe, the sex symbol of the 1950s, to marry him, quite a feat in itself.

     But I do know this: athletic achievements alone do not make a hero. A hero, in my book, is someone courageous or noble, someone who makes sacrifices for others -- aside from wearing tight pants.

     We have heroes all around us, but we rarely honor them. We're too busy idolizing the athletes, actors and musicians who entertain us.

     Most police officers are heroes, regardless of how many speeding tickets they give us. They protect us from a host of villains, including robbers, murderers, drug dealers, kidnappers, and the cast of Different Strokes.

     Without them, we'd all need security systems at home. And all our children, not just a select few, would need to carry guns.

     Most people in the military are heroes and so are our veterans. We owe our freedom to them. They fought in wars and risked their lives, just so you and I could have the freedom to call the president anything we want.

     Volunteers are heroes, too, especially those who volunteer to serve the poor. Mother Teresa was one of the biggest heroes we'll ever see. And thousands of people, including her friends, forgot to ask for her autograph.

     Nelson Mandela is a huge hero. He spent more than two decades in prison for his beliefs. And unlike Mike Tyson, he didn't break a single television.

     Most teachers are heroes, too, partly because they spend their lives educating others. If it weren't for teachers, our children wouldn't be bright enough to read the directions on their video games.

     We ought to give awards to these people on national TV, like we give Oscars to actors and Grammys to musicians. We ought to give them standing ovations. We ought to tell them that they are our real heroes.