From mdurai@mail.cvn.net Wed Sep 6 07:00:56 2000 Date: Wed, 6 Sep 2000 01:01:42 -0400 From: Melvin Durai To: Editor Subject: Melvin Durai's Humor Column [ The following text is in the "iso-8859-1" character set. ] [ Your display is set for the "US-ASCII" character set. ] [ Some characters may be displayed incorrectly. ] MELVIN DURAI'S HUMOR COLUMN "TECHNOLOGY HELPS US AND HURTS US" At times, I^Òm wary of technology and its potential to control my life. That^Òs why I don^Òt own a cellular phone. At other times, I^Òm eager to embrace technology and its potential to enhance my life. That^Òs why I own a couple of computers, spend countless hours on the Internet, and check my e-mail more often than I check my refrigerator. A day without e-mail is like a day without food. And I enjoy eating, more than I enjoy anything else in the world, except perhaps one thing. But this isn^Òt a column about football. Many other people are uncertain about technology. Like me, they^Òre searching for an answer to this important question: Is technology truly harmful to us or does it just give us an effective and efficient way -- no matter where we live -- to make Bill Gates richer? Well, not just him, but also thousands of other technology tycoons who have so much money, some of them are actually giving to charity. Not surprisingly, we^Òre seeing a backlash against technology. According to a recent USA Today article, at least 29 million U.S. adults quit using the Net this year. And that was before they heard that O.J. Simpson was online. A. Desai, a Silicon Valley executive, has taken an interesting approach to technology. At work, he^Òs surrounded by computers and high-tech gadgets. He can^Òt avoid them, because he^Òs chief technology officer at an electronic-commerce firm, which means he's paid big bucks to know that HTML doesn't stand for "Hungarians Trust Monica Lewinsky." When he goes home, he escapes the high-tech world. He^Òs content with just history books and a used TV. I^Òm not sure if he owns a telephone, but if he does, it^Òs probably one of those primitive ones that have to be attached to a wall. "I don^Òt need all those laptops and cell phones and Palm Pilots. I don^Òt need a BMW or a dream house full of tech toys," Desai told USA Today. "Technology is a tool to make things, to create something of lasting value. It^Òs not meant to control my life. I won^Òt let it enslave me." Yes, he doesn^Òt need technology to control his life. He^Òs got a wife. Despite their income, Desai and his wife sleep on the floor of their one-bedroom apartment, using just a comforter and two pillows. They^Òre apparently concerned about all the technology that goes into modern beds. Yes, in case you haven^Òt kept abreast with recent developments, some beds are now equipped with springs. And as anyone who has slept on a good bed will tell you, springs can be addictive. Once you sleep on them, you^Òll want to keep sleeping on them, even during the day. Why do you think I have trouble waking up before noon? I^Òm addicted to springs. Bed manufacturers, of course, won^Òt admit that their product hurts productivity. They^Òre afraid of lawsuits, negative advertising and a national bed boycott. Of course, I^Òm kidding. I^Òm sure the Desais have a very good reason for sleeping on the floor. Perhaps they^Òre afraid of falling out of bed. Perhaps they're allergic to mattresses. Perhaps they like to be closer to Mother Earth. I^Òm obviously not as wary of technology as Desai. Especially since the Internet has helped me in many ways. It has helped me send my column to people around the world, some of whom actually read it. It has helped me find useful information, such as the names of those two exciting presidential candidates, Buchanan and Nader. And it has helped me find a bride, a young lady who, I am proud to say, likes to sleep on beds. Isn^Òt technology great? -------------------------------------------------------- Melvin Durai is a Shippensburg, Pa.-based writer and humorist. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. Read more of Melvin Durai's humor at http://www.funnycolumns.com To comment on this column, send a message to comments@melvindurai.com