There are few people in the world I appreciate as much as Oprah Winfrey. Not many woman are willing to visit my apartment for an hour each day without sending me a bill.

     No matter what Oprah's doing -- marathons, award shows, court battles -- she always finds time to visit, always shares her joy, humor and wisdom. She's definitely worth admiring and emulating.

     I'm not just saying that because she stood up to those Texas cattlemen. They sued her for saying she wouldn't eat another burger and she made them eat another cow product:
manure.

     I'm not just saying that because she succeeded in losing weight. Over the years, right before our eyes, Oprah has lost more weight than the Russian space program.

     I'm not just saying that because she's a self-made millionaire and perhaps America's richest entertainer (excluding Ross Perot). Oprah can afford more shoes than Imelda Marcos, more jewelry than Ivana Trump and more dresses than Marv Albert.

     It wouldn't really matter to me if Oprah were fat, broke and living permanently at Burger King. She has so many good qualities, which anyone would appreciate after watching a single episode of Jerry Springer.

     Unlike some talk show hosts, Oprah doesn't exploit other people's misfortune. She always tries to make people feel better about themselves, handing out lots of compliments. The
compliments don't cost a penny, yet they make her guests smile like she just added them to her will.

     If she were interviewing O.J. Simpson, she'd say, "O.J., I'm so thrilled you could be on my show. I've interviewed thousands of people in my career, and you are definitely my all-time favorite murderer."

     On her show, every author is as brilliant as Hemingway, every singer as magnificent as Sinatra, every actor as polished as Clinton.

     After listening to Oprah, you'll find yourself wondering why someone as talented as Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't have a roomful of Oscars. Must be his accent. Or a vast left-wing conspiracy.

     Most of us don't have time to compliment others, because we're far too busy searching for their faults. They're too short, too tall, too fat, too thin, too rude, too nice, too bald, too hairy.

     Oprah uses her show to try to improve America. You can't watch an episode without learning at least one lesson. Just the other day, I learned that there are people in some parts of Texas who don't wear boots.

     So here's my pitch: Let's put a woman and an African-American in the White House at the same time. No, I'm not talking about Monica Lewinsky and Vernon Jordan.

     Let's elect Oprah president in 2000. She can tape her show every morning and knock some sense into Congress every afternoon.

     By the time she's through, we'll forget about being the richest people in the world and strive to be the nicest.

     And perhaps we'll put our space program to good use and send Jerry Springer to the moon.