Every now and then, a celebrity creates a stir by putting his foot in his mouth. And I do mean "his," because it's almost always a man saying the wrong thing in public. In many cases, the man has left his wife at home, giving him a brief opportunity to enjoy freedom of speech. But without his wife around, there's no one to shut his mouth before the foot gets in.

     Reggie White, a professional football player and ordained minister, must not have checked with his wife before his recent speech to Wisconsin legislators. White managed to put his entire leg in his mouth, proving that he indeed has a big mouth.

     Trying to show that every race has special gifts from God, he resorted to some offensive stereotypes and hurt his chances of ever being hired as a television analyst. But all isn't lost: he can always turn to politics.

     There's no doubt that White meant well. He wanted to praise every race. But he must have done his research by calling Archie Bunker.

     Blacks, he said, are gifted in worship and celebration. "A lot of us like to dance, and if you go to a black church, you see people jumping up and down because they really get into it."

     That explains why those basketball players are so good at jumping. They don't go to white churches because they've learned a scientific fact: white men can't jump.

     But not to worry, white folks. Reggie White says you're blessed with the gift of structure and organization. "You guys do a good job with building businesses and things of that nature," he told the lawmakers. "And you know how to tap into money pretty much better than a lot of people around the world."

     People of other races, on the other hand, should be grateful if they have enough skill and money to organize a yard sale. That would be a definite sign that they're overachievers. And another reason for them to jump up and down.

     Since whites are so good at structure and organization, we should never again allow a country like Japan -- which happens to be full of Asians -- to host the Olympics. Unless they promise to do the right thing and sabotage the Russians.

     I'm sure they could find a creative way to do this, perhaps by convincing the Russian athletes to consume tons of a new energy-boosting food: baked beans.

     That way, the American men's hockey team won't be the only ones who stink.

     Asians, White said, are gifted in creativity and invention. "If you go to Japan or any Asian country," he said, "they can turn a television into a watch."

     Yes, but can they turn an intern into a star?

     I'm obviously an abnormal Asian, because I had enough trouble figuring out which side of my television to watch.

     White went on to say that Hispanics are gifted in family structure. "You see a Hispanic person, and they can put 20 or 30 people in one home."

     That's a useful gift, especially when you're searching for tax deductions. If more of us were Hispanic, we'd all get tax refunds. I'd jump to that.

     White, who also condemned homosexuality in his speech, has since apologized for some of his politically incorrect remarks. He took quite a beating in the media. But it probably wasn't as painful as the one he received at home. Next time, he won't forget to check with his wife.