How to Answer the Phone:

    If you're offered a credit card; listen to all the info, and then say: "You know, I really need another credit card, the 8 or 9 I have are already maxed out, and I don't know how I'm going to pay the rent without a new card..."

    If they are selling newspaper/magazine subscriptions; at the first opportunity, ask if they have it available in braile.

    If it is inconvenient to play with them, when they ask for Mr Smith, ask them if they want Junior or Senior. If they say senior he isn't there, if they say Junior he is only 7 and doesn't need whatever.

    "Hi this is <your_name>. I can't come to the phone right now. I live in an apartment, and therefore do not need any siding, roofing, painting, plumbing, industrial cleaning or flooring of any kind. I give to selected charities through my workplace, and have no need for newspaper or magazine subscriptions. I own no pets, have no kids or spouse, and I like paying a lot of money for my long distance service."

    <insert anything I've missed>

    "If you're still on the phone, you've GOT to be a friend of mine and not some annoying solicitor, so please leave me a message with your name and phone number and I'll call you back soon."